Pre-Mission Trip

The weeks and days leading up to the Mission trip was severely trying. About a month or so prior, on top of the fact that our finances had dwindled to the point of almost an empty bank account, I was confronted and accused of something wrongly. It was very disheartening and put me deeper into my pit of self misery. I had entertained a lot of self pitying thoughts and spiralled into a bad place emotionally. On top of all that, my Father in Law ended up in hospital due to a heart failure and tending to his needs and subsequent funeral sapped more of my emotional reserves.

Because of his times in hospital, and having to serve on the Sundays otherwise, I had neglected being fed with the Word. I was relying on the corporate anointing to function. Dad passed away the Friday before the mission trip. His funeral was the Monday of the Day 1 of training.

Day 2 I found my daughter was unwell. Could have also been the stress of the week (she had to stay with her cousins and brother while we were in hospital and the knowing that in a few days mom and dad would be gone too). So yes, I missed Day 2 of the training. By then, I was so low. In my heart, I was so set that missing the mission trip wouldn’t be a problem. My self talk was very negative. All I wanted to do was “be expelled for not attending class and mission trip, then I have the excuse to get back to the working world”.

Day 3, I came of course. My son (he is 15) really encouraged me. But I was a horrible person to my family. Husband especially. I just sat there. Not wanting to engage. A few loved ones in class and staff came to see how I was. As usual for me, I don’t mince words. I do have a tendency to show every emotion on my face and I tell no lies. One of my close leaders took some time to listen to my heart without judgement. He spoke life and love to my situation and offered to stand with me to get prayer. I declined, but his edification really broke something that bound my heart. I knew I would be alright and I knew that God had called me for a time as this.